Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Many dictionaries say that fear is an emotional response to a threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. Actually if this is a feeling it cannot be defined by a definition. It means different for every individual person. You can feel it without any reason, sometimes it just happens. No one can escape from it but everyone is capable of overcoming and dealing with it. So many people love to say :”never give up”.
It was raining. She was staring out the window, watching nothing particular in the space. She looked scared and confused. The little drops of the rain fell down on the window. It was dark, the streets were empty and it looks like she was searching for something or someone. Her name was Savannah, but all of her friends called her Savi. She was the most incredible creature on the world. She was a good person. She was born to help people without expecting any help back. At the same time she was unique: she had golden hair and big, blue eyes, the same blue color as the one of the sky. The light in her eyes was always so pure and innocent; she looked like a little child. She had the most fascinating family: her parents were civil engineers and her sister was a student at the local university. She had strong relationship with her parents; she thought of them as her friends, she could tell them everything about her friends, problems at school and thoughts.
She decided to turn on the television but she could not really concentrate to watch the night show. This was her favorite show- sometimes it was about fashion, another time for cooking and traveling. This night she was concerned about something. Her head was full of crazy thoughts. Someone came in and she saw that this was her mother, Erica. Erica asked Savi about her day and how was she. Savi did not answer and continued staring with her worried eyes in the television. Her mother realized that this was one of her daughter’s moments of fear. Fear was the forbidden word in their family. Savi’s parents wanted their children to be strong and to overcome every obstacle on their way. They taught them that fear can destroy their lives. That is why Erica wanted to understand what is in her daughter mind, she wanted to help her. She knew that it was serious because Savi was rarely acting strange and only when she was scared. Erica made the dinner and asked Savi to sit on the table. She started talking about her business party today and how people annoyed her. She was angry at one of her business partners. She thought that somehow her story will make Savi talking or even smiling, but she was wrong. Suddenly, Savannah started to cry and now she had to tell her mother what is going on. Savi did not want to bother her mother with her childish problems, so she shouted at her mother and ran away to her bedroom. She could not stop crying. She was feeling bad because of her reaction to her mother’s words. She decided to apologize to her and explain her everything.
The connection between Savi and Erica was really strong. That is why they could say anything to one another. Savannah went downstairs and just started talking and talking. She was concerned about her best friend and her boyfriend. Savannah’s best friend, Norma, had a serious problem and she was not able to help her. Norma lost her best friend in a car accident and she wanted to committee a suicide because she could not live with the pain. Savannah tried to talk to her and make her think about her beautiful future. Norma did not want to hear her friend. So Savannah was worried that while she was a t home, Norma could do the worst decision in her life. Savannah explained this to her mother but this was not the only thing. She was angry at her boyfriend because he did not care about her problems. For him these were teenagers’ way of getting attention. He did not realize that this was hard and important for Savi. She needed support and he was the one who had to understand and help dealing her with the problem. At the same time he was so jealous that she was not able even to see her friend. She was confused what to choose: friendship or her love. Always in her life friends were the most important thing just after her parents and sometimes she was feeling guilty because she did not have time for her boyfriend. So she did not know what to do. Her heart was splitting into parts and she did not know which part to follow. She needed someone to tell her.
It looked like this was not her mother. Her mother wanted to teach her daughter to deal with her problems alone: to take the responsibilities of her actions and to make her own decisions. She wanted to show to her child the real world: with all the pain, choices and fears. She only told her to listen to her heart, to believe in herself and follow her wishes. Savannah did not want to hear that but she said:
-“Ok you are right I am a big girl”, but her voice tone was not appropriate for her mother understandings.
-“You can not talk to me like this, you deserve to be grounded forever”, shouted at her Erica.
Savannah was so stressed right now; the only thing she really wanted was to be alone. She could not stop her cry; she even could not hear her mother’s words. She was so angry; she did not want to be a big girl because big girls do not cry. Again she stared at the rain, again thinking, but maybe this time she was thinking not about her friend or boyfriend, but about herself. She saw one couple on the street, walking under the rain. They were smiling and laughing. For a second she smiled too but then she stopped and run off the apartment, going somewhere and nowhere.